Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Long Time No Post: Let's Catch Up

Well hello everyone! Long time no post, eh? I have actually had a few people message me asking me if I was okay or when I would be posting again. I guess we have some catching up to do.

My last blog was a poem I wrote concerning dementia that had developed in my daddy. It has been slowly getting worse over the past six months and everything kind of came to a climactic scene a few weeks ago. Leading up to this, daddy's memory has slowly been on the decline. He would forget birthdays, repeat things in conversation more than once, and even call me back to back to back forgetting we had just spoken. He then began calling me and asking me where everyone was or telling me that he hadn't seen anyone in the family for weeks, which wasn't true as my sister and brother took turns going over every day along with the rest of my family seeing him during the week. He would tell me of things that never happened and would make no sense when we spoke. Fast forward to two weeks ago when I received a call on my phone that showed up "Daddy", but when I answered, it was a police officer on the phone telling me that daddy had wandered out of the house to a neighbors telling them that his house had been broken into the previous day and to call the police. Of course that wasn't true, but the neighbors called anyway knowing daddy was not in his right mind. When the police showed up, daddy was wearing two different colored shoes, a neck tie with his pajamas and was very disoriented. He couldn't recall going to the neighbors nor what had happened. We had discussed daddy moving in with my sister before, but this time my sister took him from the house the night of the incident and he has been living with her ever since.

As most of you know, I live in Florida and my family along with daddy live in Tennessee. I had planned to fly home for Christmas on December the 21st and stay until the 26th, however when I found out of daddy's progressing condition, my amazing friend Sarah bought a ticket for me to fly home sooner on December 7th and stay until the 26th. Though when I arrived at the airport and saw the condition my father was in, it changed my plans completely. It is one thing to talk to someone on the phone and hear them, it is another to see it and experience it in person. I was in shock to see how frail my once muscular father was and to hear the confusion and watching him have to be helped when walking. Over the next few days, I saw that he needed help to the bathroom, dressing and with every day cleanliness and eating. We did take him to the doctor because I wanted every test run that they had to see if there was anything that could be done to slow the process. They did many blood work tests as well as a chest x-ray on him. Daddy couldn't even sign his name nor speak full sensical sentences in the first days of my arrival. That night we found out that daddy's blood work was normal but he was in the onsets of pneumonia. They prescribed him an antibiotic and also a medicine that is suppose to help with the beginnings of dementia. We began giving him those the next day and literally over the following week we saw a large change in him. He still forgets things and is non-sensical at times, but he improved much from when I first arrived. The biggest thing is he wanders at night around in his room or the hallway upstairs. We end up having to get up with him a few times a night to make sure he is okay and get him back to bed. Which led me to a decision...

I made the hard decision to move back home to help take care of daddy. I don't want to miss these times and I don't want to regret not being here for him and my family. I was in Florida when my mama passed away in 2005 and I don't want that guilt again. Daddy deserves love and so much care and I want to be here to give him that along with my amazing family. I am staying in Tennessee until January 18th, then flying back to Florida to pack my stuff and moving back to Tennessee to stay until further notice as of the end of January. I never thought I would be in this position but when it came down to it, the world will always be there, I am young, I have many chapters left to write and I need to see this one through. My daddy needs me. And I need him. This is where I need to be and I feel in my heart this is the best decision I could make. I know life will get harder and harder and so will the decisions. I am exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically...but I wouldn't change it. I get more time with daddy. More memories. More hugs. And that is all I could ever ask for. So for those who send out good vibes or pray, please do so. My family has a long road ahead of us and we need all the wisdom and strength we can get. But especially send them out to my daddy. I love you guys and really appreciate you following me on all my journeys and stories. I will try to be better with posting and keep everyone updated with my life. Happy holidays to all!

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

You Can't Have Him - (For My Daddy)

You came in like a thief in the night. Taking nearly everything in a mind that was right.
The strong, healthy man that we have always known, has now become one of skin and bone. Why did you do this? You weren't asked to be here. We never invited you. Stop staying so near. For thirty four years this man has been my life. He has been my hero, my friend and my comfort in strife. You see, you don't know him like I do. You don't understand the memories and what we've been through. You don't care that he has a heartbroken family. You captured his mind, we need him free! He needs to be here, from body to mind. We aren't done knowing him yet, there's more for us to find. So many more Christmas photos to take, birthdays to celebrate, memories to make. He is suppose to always remember my face. He is suppose to be aware of every person and place. You made it your job to try and take him away. But we won't let you without a fight. We will do everything to make him stay. The thing is, dementia, we will love him through the worst. No, you can't have him, because we had him first. 

Settling is Sinking. You Were Born to Rise.

When someone thinks of something "settling", one of the first things that comes to mind is a house. I remember growing up, every t...