I Am Living A Story...

Nearly four years ago, I was struggling with a lot in my life. One of the main issues I struggled with was my sexuality. I had been lying to myself basically my entire life about who I knew I was just to please other people. I was scared of what people would say or think or feel. I was terrified of being alone and being unwanted. On top of this, I wasn't happy with where I was in life in general. I felt I should have done so much more with my life. I wasn't anywhere near where I expected I would be at the age of 31. I was single. I was hundreds of miles from home. My family didn't really talk to me anymore except for my daddy. I felt as though I wasn't good enough for anyone...even myself. I struggled with suicidal thoughts and got to a really dark place. One where my friends took turns staying with me so I wasn't alone. It was during this time that a friend gave me a bracelet. On one side it reads, "Fears vs. Dreams" and on the other side it says, "I am living a story. I will not give up". I put that bracelet on and I literally didn't take it off for nearly three years. The first time I took it off was when I started real estate and needed to look "professional". But it stays right next to my bed and I see it every morning when I wake up. It made me start thinking about what those words meant. "I am living a story. I will not give up". I began to analyze those words and said them over and over to myself. Sometimes in my head, other times out loud. But man, they impacted me. We are, each one of us, living a story. Every day we pick up our writing utensil and we continue writing in our book. Our life. Our legacy. Chapter after chapter we add to the story that is us. Our hurts, fears, excitement, happiness, disappointment, success, failures etc. Every experience goes into this incredibly unique story. No one else has a story like ours. There is no sequel. This is it. This one story defines us as a person. Tells all about who we are and what we have done. Sometimes, it is hard to continue writing. When things break us and bring us down, it takes everything we have to hold onto the pen and keep writing. To keep going. But the thing is, in order to know how the story turns out, we have to continue turning the page. We have to continue adding to the story. If we stop midway through, we will never know how beautiful the story could have became. With the end of every chapter begins a new one. Yes, we can go back and re-read the previous chapters, but that takes away from what we are tying to add to the story and no matter how many times we go back, the story doesn't change. The only way we can change the outcome of the story is to change what we are writing now. Some pages will be smeared with tears. The words will be a bit smudged and hard to decipher. But regardless, the story wouldn't be what it is without them. We are living a story. We ourselves are a book. We have a cover that presents itself to people on first glance. From there, people decide if they want to read further into who we are. If they do, they dive into the story and essentially become a part of it. Have you ever read a good book, like a really good book, and you become so involved with the characters and their lives that you literally feel like you are in the story with them? That is what we do. We become other people's stories. We show up as bit parts and characters that sometimes evolve into main characters, love interests, protagonists, antagonists, sidekicks and heroes. Our stories converge to become novels of greatness. Though we must not lose sight of our own story that we are writing. Your book is what you leave behind. Your words and actions are what people will pick up and read when your story has ended. I for one want my story to be one that people can't put down. That people recommend reading and learning from. I want my story to be filled with adventure and romance and thrills and mystery and fantasy. Your story doesn't have to be one genre, because we as people are not one genre. We are complex and incredible. And for those of you going through a hard time. Who can't find the strength to keep writing. Who have hit a writer's block and feel you can't move past the blank page you are staring at. I want you to do something for me....pick up the pen and write something. Anything. Become the hero of your own story. Don't stop now. You still have so much to write and add. And your story deserves to be a page turner that people don't want to miss out on. You are living a story. Don't, please don't, give up. Because your story? It could be the one someone needs to read years from now. And everyone should be able to experience it. Especially you.