Never Let Go, Jack

Over the past few months, I have taken notice to the fact my life quite rivals that of infamous character Jack Dawson from the blockbuster hit movie, "Titanic". I literally have no idea where I am heading, where I am going next or what port I will end up getting off at. I feel as though I keep randomly winning tickets in games of poker I never intended to play and somehow getting lucky with the hands I play and situations that present themselves to me. At the same time, I have boarded this "boat" with no itinerary or plan. There were times I ate ramen noodles for days at a time alone in my apartment and at other times, I found myself sitting at the table of some pretty eloquent and high class people pretending I knew what fork to use or how to even begin to eat caviar without spitting it out and making a fool of myself. I am literally Jack Dawson-ing through life. Some people like those that joined Jack at the table of the first class dining hall on the Titanic ask me, "How do you do this? How do you go from day to day not knowing what is going to happen or if you are going to even have the money to pay your bills?" I have people that look down on me daily because I spend a lot of time focusing on my writing and my creative self. Cliche as it sounds (and when in Rome, or on the Titanic) it really is all about making each day count. No, I don't know where I am going to end up at the end of each day. I don't have a plan for the next week, or month, or year. And yes, in true Jack Dawson fashion, I love that. It excites me because anything is possible. The opportunities and adventures are limitless. I can wander around any deck of the boat I want to and learn from each class. I can lay out under the stars and watch the sky pass over me. The vast openness is proof that there is so much more than what we see. I meet the girl. I lose the girl. I fall in love. She falls out of love. We fly. Somewhere along the way, I feel my foundation begin to shake as the impending iceberg threatens my very existence. There are days I feel the ship sinking below me and there is not a life jacket within reach. I hold my breath and go under. Kick for the surface. There are days I barely make it to the last life boat. There are moments I am the iceberg and feel I am invincible. Jack Dawson-ing. It is a thing. And I live it every single day. I wake up holding my ticket, board the boat and then just prepare for whatever the ocean has in store for me. Maybe today I will miss the iceberg. Maybe I won't. But regardless, I intend to make it count. I will not go down without a fight, no matter what the circumstance is. I will climb to the the highest point of the ship and hang on for dear life and not let go until the ocean forces me under the water. And then, I will swim like hell. You don't drown if you keep moving. Then, I will find a door, I will force my way onto it and I will somehow survive. See, that's where my Jack Dawson-ing story changes. He fought and fought until he literally had to accept his fate. He knew when he couldn't get on the door that he wasn't going to see the next day. Not me. I will find my own door. I will squeeze my way onto a door. I will do whatever it takes to stay afloat. Because I have to survive. I refuse to give myself any other option. I will climb on that door and dig my fingernails into the wood. Make each day count, prepare for potential impacts and no matter how hopeless a situation seems, find a reason to believe it will get better and never let go of that thought. Never, ever let go, Jack.